I have wanted a Tesla since I sat in one in the Tesla dealership in Columbus, Ohio in 2012, or maybe sooner. Not my whole life, but it’s definitely been a minute.
They’re electric you know. That means they don’t use fossil fuels or leave a huge, black, carbon footprint on the earth.
A footprint-less earth would be ideal but impossible; a less footprinted earth is very, very possible.
It just takes all of us doing our part:
1 ) turn off the water while you brush your teeth and save about 10 gallons of water! The world is 70% water but only 1% of that is sodium-free. Less than 1% of that 1% is potable. That’s a pretty awe-inducing statistic…(one that I learned while chasing my barefoot 4-year old granddaughter around the Long Beach Aquarium).
2) Turn off lights when you aren’t in the room…well, you’ll actually have to turn them off while you ARE in the room, but you know what I meant.
3) Go solar if you can afford it and if you can’t afford it, tell other people to go solar if they can afford it.
4) Compost your food waste…not meat leftovers, but everything else can go into your compost pile to nourish the soil…give the meat leftovers to the dog, then throw his food waste into the compost pile…but don’t tell me about it because even though according to Mother Earth News it’s technically safe to do this, it’s just really, really GROSS!
5) Drive A HYBRID OR…BETTER YET…A TESLA…and you’ll save the planet.
I have always dreamed of being a super-shero and saving a planet or two, starting with Earth; so a Tesla is THE car for me.
Except it isn’t.
Not yet anyway.
Maybe never unless Elon Musk reads this and decides it would be really nice to send me one.
After all, I can be a little spacey, so I think I deserve one as much as outer space does.
And Elon, if you are reading this…my dream is shiny gun-metal gray with black leather interior and that awesome, awesome glass roof, and the dashboard that looks like a huge iPad…and also, can the seats be heated AND air-conditioned? And, if you don’t mind, could I change my order on the interior and go with the premium white with the dark ash and dark headliner?
AND between two paragraphs ago and now, Elon’s no longer the only one who needs to read this and be kind to me…ROBYN DENHOLM…please read this and think about ‘charging’ my Thanksgiving Day with a nice electric device…
NO…NOT A BLENDER….
one that I can ride down the road in…
NO…NOT A LIME SCOOTER…
one that I can ride down the road in the rain without getting wet…
NO…NOT A GOLF CART…
one that I can…never mind…
JUST SEND ME A TESLA, ROBYN.
I actually know someone who owns a Tesla, which means I’m only 1-Degree of separation from an actual, real-life TESLA, which is much more impressive than being 6 degrees of separation from Kevin Bacon!
Steve is a very good friend of my daughter and son-in-law, so when I requested a ride in his new Tesla, he agreed without hesitation because that’s the kind of guy he is…but imagine the shock and awe when he turned the car over to me! That’s right…
MY FRIEND STEVE let me DRIVE HIS NEW TESLA, Folks!
(For the very astute reader–Yes, you’re right…he got a friendship-status upgrade as soon as he let me drive that car!)
In spite of the black cat that walked across the parking lot the second I sat in the driver’s seat, I drove Steve’s Tesla without experiencing any bad luck whatsoever.
So take that, black cats everywhere! (I had my fingers crossed when I typed that so I think I’m still okay, right?)
That car floats across asphalt…and concrete. It goes from 0 to 60 faster than a Porsche and uses less gas than a
IT DRIVES ITSELF, PEOPLE! Full transparency—that part made me a little anxious. I have control issues and sitting in the driver’s seat while the car changed lanes, sped up, slowed down, and braked for red lights…was just a tad disconcerting even while it was one of the most exciting things I think I’ve ever done including whitewater rafting which was a lot more work than driving a Tesla!
If I had a Tesla, I’d drive it everywhere EXCEPT the gas station!
I’d pass so many gas stations without stopping that eventually, I’d forget how to select my ‘grade of gasoline’… slide my card through the card reader at just the right speed…and find the correct slot where my receipt will appear.
Forgetting all that just might give me more brain space to remember the words to five million Elton John songs, the names of ten thousand constellations, and those extra four digits of my zip code.
If I had a Tesla, the sun would shine brighter; the wind would be gentler; hurricanes would turn back to the ocean BEFORE they got close to shore.
If I had a Tesla, there’d be healthcare for everyone, assault rifles for no one, peace in the world, and Jon Stewart in the White House.
If I had a Tesla, every day would be Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, my birthday, Casual Friday, then the weekend.
If I had a Tesla, I’d be ten pounds thinner…okay, okay…twenty; and my husband would be twenty pounds heavier.
Gosh…life sounds just about perfect with a Tesla!
Elon? Are you paying attention?
Ahhh, at least I had tonight…embraced in those soft leather seats…carried across dotted white lines by an auto-pilot…gliding in a silent, electric car that will one day save the world.
The author in the driver’s seat of Steve’s Tesla
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Steve—You’re the best!
I mean, since you aren’t a car because if you were a car, you’d be in second place — behind the Tesla.